When Hashtags Hurt

In a year when politics is in center focus and personal opinions are flung around like grenades, we often forget how words truly can shatter someone to the core. This blog will not be that of humor or light hardheartedness. Its also not going to be politically correct or safe.

It's going to be truth and raw emotion.

Over the past two months, there has been much debate on topics on Planned Parenthood Scandals.
You have the right wing opinions of the Republican party looking to de-fund the company but are often simply using the story as a political soap box  to gain a vote. You have the Left Wing Liberals fanning up lies that Planned Parenthood is the only way to stop breast cancer. If  you vote republican , you are only voting for women to be sent back to the kitchen and have no voting rights or valid opinions. Both extreme sides are in an uproar and casting viscous drama via social media.

I typically stay pretty quiet on debated topics. I don't like causing big drama online. But something has been eating me alive the past few weeks an I just feel the need to say something before it hurts me anymore.

A few weeks ago a hashtag started trending that not only made me sick to my stomach it has not stopped causing me pain or wanting me to mourn.

#shoutyourabortion

Men and women, trying to stand firm on the agenda of freedom of choice and in turn celebrating the freedom of abortion. Standing firm on the principal that they have the right to have Sex with who ever they want and are absent of consequence.  Adding the thought by saying, " my life matter more" or a "fetus is not a life". Or even worse, the senator our there trying to pass legislation, that Independent life really doesn't start until the age of 2 years old. Thus as parent you have the "Right" to terminate the life of your children up until they are 2 years old, if their needs do not meed the needs of the parents.
And yes, that is actually something being brought forth by someone.

I made the mistake of clicking on the hashtag and was flooded by thousand of posts of people standing strong in their decisions and encouraging other to share their stories, so that abortion is no longer condemned by anyone. And for weeks now I have been haunted by their words and wrestling with wanting to stand firm against it.

Until this morning. I can't do it anymore. This morning I was faced with the reality that I had let my guard down, and allowed hope to take form. Hope that  has been growing over 7 weeks wrestling with the possibility that I might be pregnant. With each passing week,  I started to think of what joy would be for our families if this was actually happening.  Starting to think that maybe my quest for health and losing weight might have changed things. And yet this morning, I was once again faced with the reality that right now, God's timing is not of my own.
And though this reality hurts, I have been reminded two times this week of the Story of Hannah. Who wept before the Lord asking to be blessed with a child. And keeping her promise and giving her beloved child Back to the Lord as a servant. My Timing is not God's timing. This year God has shown me that He will continue to break us down and remold us. I am not sure how much more I need to be stripped but that is between me and the Lord. I am not posting this in efforts to gain empathy or to make people feel bad. I am posting to be real.

For now I celebrate with those who are announcing their pregnancies! I take such joy in pictures of families growing and children everywhere being born and growing up. I will never, ever want to take that joy away from anyone , simply because God's timing is not my own.

BUT to those who are standing strong behind narcissistic comments of Celebrating your right to have an abortion, to you, I have a different thought. Just because you are old enough and society has given you the "right" to sleep with anyone you want , doesn't mean you have the "right" to terminate the consequence that have inconvenienced you. If you are responsible enough to have sex, then you are responsible enough to raise a child.  This is not religion, this is common sense.
Before you start to stand strong behind your American Right to liberty and freedom I ask you to stop and think.
Think about the Thousands of families our there that are unable to get Pregnant. Those families out there that for one reason or another wont be able to have that joy. We would give anything for that tiny life you are about to throw away.

Think about the cries of women I know who loose their babies from miscarriage. I have so many friends who both mourn in silent or share with others their gut wrenching sorrows of still borns or early pregnancies that never came to term.

Think about the families I know who would give ANYTHING to be able to chosen as an adoptive family, but are either not picked, or can not afford the fees of international adoption.

Think about the Men and women who for some reason or another are not married. Due to not being married, they choose to wait for God's timing. But they would give ANYTHING to be in the place that they could still be a mother or a father.

Think about the families I do know that were raped. Raped and still decided to bring the child into the world. That Child who was loved ( by both mother and non biological father) and who the Lord blessed beyond all words and is living and thriving.

Before you start to stand on the rights of your decisions from the consequences of your life choices, think about the life and lives you are already affecting.  And if you choose to make that choice because our country currently says you can decide to choose, keep your hashtags to yourself.
Because those words are heart wrenching and like salt in our very open and painful wounds.

Peace Not of this World

 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27 (NIV)

Many years back when I was a counselor at White Mountain Ranch ( Happy T),  one of my least favorite things was trying to plan for nightly devotions with my girls.  One of reliable devos I manage to whip up was from a family favorite story.

We would read the story of Mrs. Large trying to escape from her 3 children for 5 minutes peace and quiet. Yet everywhere she escaped her children would find and and express how much they loved her and would "ruin the peace". My cabin girls from Esther's Palace and I would then discuss John 14:27, We talked about how the Lord promised us peace, but it wasn't the way this world thinks of peace. Those girls often spoke more truth in the evenings then some pastors.  God promised us love and that He would never leave us. He never promised that life wasn't going to be hard. He promised us eternal life with Him if we accepted his gift, but he never said life was going to be a walk in the park.

This morning I had the luck of the draw for Grandad duty. I stayed home from church, but was intentional of listening to Worship Music and reading through the scriptures. 

I came across a song today that hit my heart at home and made me think back to nights at camp.

Thou will keep me in perfect peace
When my mind is stayed on You
Thou will keep me in perfect peace
When my mind is stayed on You

Peace flowing like a river
Peace never to be stolen
Peace that You give is not of this world
My mind is stayed on You

Your peace flowing like a river
Peace never to be stolen
Peace that You give is not of this world
My mind is stayed on You

And Thou will keep me in perfect peace
When my mind is stayed on You
'Cause peace that You give is not of this world
My mind is stayed on You


This song really hit home hard. We have just come off on the tails of a horrible summer.  

Getting the boot from my apartment of 8 year

Moving in with my grandparents

Putting our adoption process on hold

Realizing 24 care was needed for Grinny

Having on 3 rain days during the summer ( aquatic's directors worst night mare)

Working close to 70 hour work weeks with almost no time off

Buying a house from a relative 

Finding out last week the house needs a new roof no one told us about

Being notified that the tenants we thought were staying decided to move out immediately. 

And basically feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. 

Well on August 31st, my Grandmother was taken to the hospital for surgery. At the moment we are not sure when she will be home from rehab. It could be as long as December. We finally put to rest all of our pools for the summer. Both Dan and I exhaled and and were so thankful we survived this horrid summer. It was over. We could finally breath and look forward to a time of reconnecting and the hope of what the future might bring.

This past Tuesday we were given a horrid blow.

I am not going into too many details as I personally am trying to manage my anger in the situation.

In short, my husband was wrongfully asked to resign from his job.

The bottom line was that he grew his department so big , that they felt they needed to hire someone from a higher caliber of skill sets. They admitted their supervisory skill sets, were not equipped to handle managing that large of a department without bringing in a specialist. 

As you can imagine I WAS LIVID. I was/am absolutely furious in the injustice of it all. 

There were moments I wept in the fear of the unknown

Moments that  took everything in me to not give them a piece of my mind.

Moments I went into full mama bear mode in wanting to protect my husband from even questioning

 that any of this was his fault. 

Moments of horror when I realized... we now have a mortgage!

And Thou will keep me in perfect peace
When my mind is stayed on You
'Cause peace that You give is not of this world
My mind is stayed on You

(sigh)

Sometimes you need to look in the past to be reminded where you have come.

God has always been faithful.

I repeat. God has always been faithful.

Back in 2003 pretty much the exact same thing happened to my Father. 

My father had brought the Gordon College Lacrosse Team to the best the team has ever been.

Yet with some shady behind the scenes characters, he was asked to resign. 

I remember I was a Sophomore in College. I was also LIVID. All the same emotions came out then too. Though my Dad's reputation was on the line, He trusted the Lord. 

The Lord used his Testimony over the past 10 years in more ways then any of us could imagine.

God also took my father's humbleness in it all and blessed him.

He gave my father Peace. 

He didn't give my father Millions of dollars and new motorcycle.

Nope God Stretched my father, but gave him PEACE that He and He Alone was in charge.

I look back to when God had is hands on Dan and I a year after we got married when Dan's job was eliminated. Once again I was mad... ( I see a cycle here...) and Dan trusted the Lord and in 2 weeks he had a better job! 

So. My mission right now to trust on my Lord.

When He is on my mind, I am in Peace that He is in control.

When I am distracted by the details that our adoption is on hold for another year...

I let my emotions get away with themselves.  When I start to hyper-focus on fear of the unknown... the peace leaves. It leaves because I am not focused on HIM.

So do me a favor. When I take my focus off on Him, subtly remind me to stop fretting.....

My Great big Why...

Tomorrow morning my grandmother goes in for spinal stenosis surgery. It's been no secrete that this summer has been very hard on the entire family.  Grinny's condition has become serious very quickly. She is quickly becoming paralyzed and her quality of life is crashing. 

The amazing thing in it all is seeing how the body of Christ has grown through our family. Seeing the hands and feet all doing their part to make sure this child of God is loved and not left abandoned. 

Over the past few months I have done a lot of reflecting. I have found that I am Turing off my music on my morning commute to think, listen and prayer. Questions keep popping up. 

Ikeep thinking about the future. This year will be such a steep learning curve on taking care of family. It's great training for the day that we are ever blessed with an adoption to go through. To love and care for a child who has come from trauma.

But I have also realized there is no way I could keep up with the pace of our life and adequatly love and support a child in transition from Foster to adopt. But the question would be, how do we finacially support a family one only one full time salary?

I also have noticed how similar I am to my Grandmother. In this situation that is not a good thing. I have a unique opportunity to glimpse into my future if I keep going down the same path she did. If I don't take care of my physical health now, then I easily could be the wheel chair bound person desperate for the help of my family. So how do I stop this downward spiral that I am already seeing happening?

Well a couple of months ago I met a woman on Facebook through an friend at church. Her name is Jillian and she is a coach through Beach Body. She simply offered support and did not push any product at the time. I wasn't really sold on anything at the time, but little did I know, it would turn out to be a great connection for this summer.

In my last post I talked about the start of my fitness journey . When I tapped out at 250 I needed something to help. I remembered meeting Jillian and I knew I could purchase a Shakeology package from her. Again she posted about her own success and failures, but never pushed me into anything I wasn't ready for. But with the constant reminder of my grandmother's condition glaring in my future, I became intrigued to get some help. I checked out her beach body sight and was amazed at what I saw.  Her story of why she chose to sign on with Beach Body was very relatable. But then there was the proof! Take a look at her before and after shots when she dedicated 21 days to follow the 21 day fix extreme program.

She is amazing and an inspiration to me. She works full time, volunteers for a major non profit and still finds her passion in helping others find health and confidence. So I jumped in and started back into healthy shakes and fitness. A few weeks in (I wasn't really focused on the work out part yet) I was finding myself with more energy and losing weight. 

What I did find, was I was LOVING learning about fitness. I enjoyed watching the videos to add more depth to my water fitness classes. 

So coach Jillian asked me, had I ever considered coaching? Me!? A Beach Body coach! I wear a swim suit for a living but I am far from having a "beach body!" But you see that's the point. Working along side people who are working toward health. You don't have to be a character on Baywatch to be inspirational to others! The Aqua divas have been so encouraging this past week and continued to support me in the fact they enjoy me as their teacher. All. 235 lbs of me.... But notice... That's 15 less then may ! 😎

So over the next year I am planning on learning as much about fitness as I can! Through trainings, beach body Programs and by taking classes with you! Yes you! I am looking for people who want to join me in the path to health. A path to lead me away from Diabetes and wheel chairs! 

So this is WHY I signed on with team beach body ! 

Starting September 7th I am going to be hosting my first Challenge group ! You can pick your plan.  beach body has a lot to chose from and I will be happy to discuss with you on suggestions!  There will be accountability , meal plans and ideas, lots of laughs and of course results from the work we put into our plan! 💪🏼🏃🏼🍎 if you are interested in taking the first step in a healthier direction I would love for you to come along with me in my journey. 

How a bunch of Diva's Changed my life!

This morning I was going through my phone and backing up all my pictures and saving things to my  computer. As I was going through some pictures, I stumbled across some photos I took of myself at the end of may. They were before selfies I was encouraged to take before I started on a journey  that would begin to change my body and my health. I forgot I took those photos.
My eyes instantly started to tear up. Today was the first time that I truly saw with my eyes how far I have come in just a few short months. They were not tears of disgust of where I was then, but tears of  excitement, because I think I finally found something that is working! Even more importantly I am excited to keep it up and pass that excitement on. This all started because of a bunch of Divas.

Before I go any further lets take a quick look at my past before we dive into the present and the events leading up to some exciting changes. If you didn't already know I come from a pretty athletic family. Anytime we pick up a new sport , we tend to somewhat naturals at the sports. We have to work to be great, but I don't think we have ever really stumbled across a sport we were awful at!

Growing up in our family, we stayed relatively healthy and active. I was always sporty and fit. Then..... puberty hit. At that point I became the "DUFF" ( Designated Ugly Fat Friend!) I do not really think I was ugly, but that was the phrase I found help categorize me. Through high-school and college I was still always athletic and strong, but I was always 40-80+ lbs heaver then the average girl my age. My gym teacher did my measurements in health class one day and categorized me as MORBIDLY obese! (What!!!???). I couldn't help but look down at her jiggly body and think, " Hey kettle your black!!"

I tried to not let my self image issues define who I was. I had a great support network at Church, school and camp. We even jokingly had a club at the beach called BLIBS ( big ladies in bathing suits). All the skinny girls wanted to be part of our club, but they were TWITS ( Teeny Weeny Individuals in Tankini suits). Though I am pretty confident in my body, it still has times of hate and disgust.

IT escalated pretty badly when I was teaching a Zumba Gold class in Gloucester. One of the old women came up to me and said to my face, " We hope you know we don't like your class. We want someone who is going to motivate us and you clearly don't know how to take care of yourself. You are far from motivating!"  As you can imagine I was shattered. It took many years to bounce back from that comment.

Now let's fast forward to this Past May. A couple of job changes, a start of a new marriage and now in my 30's  I had maxed out the highest I have ever weighed. I had tapped out at 250 lbs.

My Dr. who did my surgery informed me that I was caught in a vicious cycle. I was diagnosed with PCOS, which causes women to gain weight due to hormone imbalance. Its a nasty cycle because it causes you to gain weight, be infertile and be the grounding factor of a lot of issues. But there is no cure right now, except loose weight.... that is added on because of the PCOS.

But then something happened at work that would begin to change my body ( hopefully forever).
As an aquatics director we field all the complaints for everything in our job. I had been hearing some mumbling from our morning water fitness crew, that they were ready for a fitness change.
I haven't taught fitness since the mean lady in Gloucester attacked me back in 2011. But I looked at my Zumba Background and took my water certification and meshed them together and offered to teach a Zumba Gold Class in the water.  I will be honest, I was SCARED SPITLESS to teach this group. There was a need in our pool and I wanted to meet it.  Well it turned out that one of our instructors decided to leave and I had 3 classes to fill weekly. So I pulled up my big girl panties and I taught my first water fitness classes. THEY LOVED MY CLASS! Oh my we had so much fun!

This group of women stepped up to the challenge of the new classes and accepted me for who I was. An overweight but willing to work instructor. They call themselves the AQUA DIVAs. I call them my favorite part of the day! As the popularity of the class grew, my excitement for teaching also grew! We added a boot camp class. This was met with a lot of nerves, but the women trusted me it was worth a trial run , and now it's one of their favorite classes!

 I started teaching 3 times a week. At the same time my mom had me read the following book:

SO during the month of June I was resetting my hormones and working out with the  Aqua Divas!  Then out of no where... I was getting compliments from the ladies that I was loosing weight! Then to add fuel to my fire, they were telling me THEY WERE LOOSING WEIGHT! All while our class kept growing. One day we even tapped out at 62 women in the pool! That is a lot of women in spandex!!

So as I started to gain strength back, I remembered a product I once loved last year. I found a Beach Body Coach that I had met through a friend online, and ordered a challenge pack of Shakeology and 21 Day Fix.  I forgot how much I LOVED Shakeology! The taste and health benefits are worth every cent.

During this time I  challenged the Aqua Divas to a a 21 day food cleanse. We brought in a nutritionist to speak with the ladies. I got so excited about what was happening I found myself up at night youtubing videos of how to challenge my ladies in fitness. The more they told me about their successes the more I wanted to keep challenging them.  So I bit the bullet and decided to become a beach body coach! I loved the products, I wanted the discount and I loved learning the routines to pass on to the ever growing population of Aqua Divas!

SO hear I am and its the end of August. This summer has been harder then any other summer before this. The combination of Work, moving in with my grandparents, emotionally dealing with the foster care program coming to a halt, buying a house ( did I forget to mention we are buying a house next week?) and having our lives flipped upside down completely! But the excitement of working with these women and have God use me to speak truth in their lives!? Its been amazing. I am starting to see this might become more of a future for me. Who knows ? Stay home mom / water-fitness extraordinaire? Beach Body coach who reaches Diamond status?  I don't know but they are all exciting options.  I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.  But sometimes you have to stop and see the little results to help be encouraged to continue to move forward.  So here is my vulnerable before and after shot.I am down 14 lbs in about 2 1/2 months. It could be a lot more, but I have had some weak moments and poor food life choices on days I am exhausted!

So won't you join me for the ride!? I need accountability. I need friends to continue to make good healthy choices with me. I need adventures that keep us moving and laughing.  I am strong like bull and worth many cow ( as told by the Kenyan men), but I need accountability to keep going!

If you have weight issues or bad self image, I hope you reach out.
I hope you take encouragement from all of this. I hope you realize that all it takes is a little positive encouragement , and you too can start your journey. I will gladly share the love of my Aqua Divas with you! In all, remember that in Psalms we are told, " The King is enthralled with your Beauty".
" We are created in God's image!"  That is always worth remembering!!!

Fostering the Bennetts

Dan and I are officially foster Parents! We are now the proud care takers of two toddlers.....

Or sometime that is what it feels like it when taking care of two Seniors.

June 27th we moved into the Thaxton Abby as we have so fondly call it.  Since that moment, our life has been one big transition. A week after we moved in my Uncle Dan(DB) who lives in the house with us, went off to Japan to visit his Daughter and finally meet his Grand Daughter. It was a long over due trip. The issue is, DB has always been home to help with Grinny and Grandad. So quite quickly we had to start adapting to becoming home health aid providers. The most important part has been the night shift. With the help of the Handy Dandy IBABY, we have to keep watch when Dementia is at its worst.  We have also been assisting Super Mom- Played by Debby Milne. 

My Mom is a Physical Therapist Assistant, Mom extraordinaire, make shift nurse and all out bad ass mom that there is. Sorry for the cuss but there is no other way to describe her but that.

She really is the glue that is keeping this all together. 

My grandmother has spinal stenosis (Among many other things). 

http://www.spine-health.com/conditions/spinal-stenosis/what-spinal-stenosis

She also is slowly falling prey to Dementia. I would say she is about 70% cognitive.

The issue is, the stenosis has reached a critical point. After waiting all month for our appointment with the Surgeon, we found out yesterday that he case is severe to the point that if we waited another few months for surgery, she would bee Paralyzed from the neck down! Each day she is becoming weaker and more frail. Besides my mom, it take 2 people to help move and care for her.

Then there is Warren.... oh Warren..... God Chose a special amount of patients to be in Warren's Family. Overall his heath isn't too bad for a 89 year old. But Dementia is in full swing with him.

Dan (DC) and I joke that we can be sure daily we will be told the same thing about our Cats, dinner and ice cream... 

The good news about Grandad, is that he is mostly mobile on his own. Though that is slowly starting to fade as well. 

Each day with these two is an adventure. Your not sure if mentally they will be there, or if they think they are currently sleeping in a hospital bed. You don't know if your Grand mother has enough strength to handle a one person lift to the toilet, or if you need backup. Then there are the moments that they become Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie convinces Clyde that he should help her out of bed and you have about 5 seconds to sprint down stairs to stop the escape from Alcatraz, less they both end up on the floor!

Our time has not really been our own recently. There is work, then there is coming home to see how we can help and be a support to my family. I am amazed of how DC's true colors have shown bright in it all. What a trooper my husband is. Seriously, he will have a rough day at work, and still come home to sit with my Grandparents as they tell him for 500th time about buying this house back in 1975. Its been such a blessing to see his servants heart come out.

I will be honest. I am exhausted. And I am not even doing most of the work! I have been having a few "sad" moments as I think through how this is not what I had Planned for us.  God is pretty quiet now, but I take confidence in knowing this is where He wants us to be right now. He must be preparing us for something. I have been blessed to see how the family really is acting like the Body of Christ.

Seeing my Uncle Simon fly up from Texas to work his BUTT off for a week, helping sorting and organizing this house.
My Dad, who comes over nightly to have dinner with the family and show grace with them. He then goes home and make a priority to keep the house together so Mom doesn't have to worry about that.
Dan Coffey who is working hard on projects, like installing tv mounts like a pro and working with Comcast for hours on end , so my grandparents can watch Bill Orielly.
My Cousin Thomas who came over for the weekend from NY to help mow and do lawn work.

Grinnys 89 Birthday!

Celebrating Summer, Family & Lobstah!

So that is what is going on with our life right now. To be honest, we have no idea what each day is going to bring us. So for that we ask for your patients. We are not trying to ignore our social life, but right now family has taken a very large priority. Be praying for us for the remainder of the month. The deck will be reset on August 31st during surgery. We shall see what God has plan then...

The hands and feet are at work daily here. Its hard work.... but I have to assume its Gods work.

CH CH CH Changes

Welcome to our new home! As we fondly call it ," Thaxton Abby". Complete with our favorite character, Duke Warren and his Wife the Countess of Beverly.   I didn't really have a good picture of the house so I had to snag one off of Google maps.

So last I updated I informed you of some unfortunate news. Our land lord sold the house and the new guy who purchased the place wanted us out ASAP, so he can flip it and charge double the amount in rent that we are currently paying. The problem is it came at the worst time for us during the year! June is our busiest season of the year. We both are working our tails off to get the out door pools open for the summer, train and hire enough staff and make sure each of our pools currently meet Ma stat regs. In addition both of us are expected to  teach 100 different certification programs to make sure every camp counselor on the planet has their CPR/FA/AED

Packing up and saying goodbye to 14 central ct has been a roller coaster of emotions. I moved in with Missy back in the fall of 2007. I have seen about 10 different roommates and this place as seen me at both my best and my worst. We have been slowly packing over the past 4 weeks. Looking through memories and throwing away tons of crap that isn't even ours! We had to make a big choice about what was the next step for us. The long term goal was to find a house. We found the PERFECT house in Peabody , but we just were not ready for the finical commitment.
During the time we were in Florida and checking out our options for the new chapter of life, we learned that my Grandmother, Shirley, took a pretty serious turn for the worst. Something is slowing happening that she has lost all use of her legs, and lower extremities. The same time, my Grandfather is finally showing some pretty serious dementia signs.  We were approached by the family of possibly considering moving in for the summer.
My uncle is currently living full time with them, Then there is my mom .......

To call my mom a superhero, is putting it lightly. She is taking on this grandparent situation with full command. Advocating for what is right, putting up those of us who are tired and cranky, and fully letting God use her to be a blessing to this family. Put her next to my Dad is who willing to do anything asked of him ( he is a pro a building ramps and hanging handicap railings.) and the two are the dynamic duo.  So we are putting on our superhero capes and jumping into fight the good fight of unconditional love for our family. By this Saturday we will be moving in full time to help with the 24 hour care team....... I am not going to lie... I am scared spitless about what lies ahead of us.

Ironically the Lord uses Time Hop to teach us lessons. The past few weeks I have been seeing my posts from two years ago. Right at this time, was when Dan was laid off from his job in Gloucester. I was mad as a hornet, but God had it under control. Sure enough he had a MUCH bigger and better plan for us.  I have been pretty emotional since being told we had to put our adoption on hold. A few weeks ago our Pastor started off his sermon by showing a video of a man adopting two older boys. Well needless to say I was a mess by the end of the video and didn't actually make it through the sermon.  But GOD has always been faithful in HIS timing.  My head doesn't believe right now and is pretty miffed about the whole situation. But my heart tells me that God has never let me down in the past. Even if it takes years before I look back and saw His promises the whole time.

So that is our update. For those who have asked where I have been, these past 5 weeks, this will get you a little caught up!

Good bye to Central Ct and Hello Thaxton Abby....
We shall see what the adventures of Upstairs/Downstairs will bring us in the next few weeks.

Farewell winter and looking forward to summah

A lot has been happening with our clan over the past few months. I will have to hash out a lot of what has been happening in posts later on , as it would be a HUGE post. So this will catch us up on the major points. 

1. This was a tough long winter for both of us! Boston had record breaking snow and that out a damper on EVERYONE. 

On top of the weather , out schedule was just nuts! By April first we were ... As Dan and I often say ""ALL DONE!"

But in the end we accomplished a lot.

- we finished our MAAP Training

- I became a master trainer for the Red Cross

- We attended a nation conference on adoption and children of trauma 

-dan was certified as a life guard trainer for the Red Cross. 

-I had surgery on my broken unicorn.

2. Adoption update - many people

Has asked were we are in the process. Well we were given this MASSIVE questionaire for the state. 30 pages--- single space... All very liberal left wing based questioning.  Right now we are finishing up these questions and then will send back the now 90 pages of documents that will paint the picture of what type of family we are.  Once that is passed in , then we are finally eligible for our home study. This home study , and our reference checks will then give us the green light to be eligible for a match. 

This sadly... Has come to a Screaming halt and here is why :( 

3. Our Landlord officially sold our home. The new guy who is coming in, wanted us out immediately . Our current land lord  fought hard and bought us 50 days. But we have to be out by June 30th.

So we are currently trying to balance all the possibilities and not allow fear and emotions dictate our next step. This is hard because our case worker informed us they had to close our portfolio due to the uncertainty of our living situation . 

So right now Dan and I are  in Florida and on vacation. A much needed time to relax , reflect , pray , laugh , cry (me) and reground ourself for the busy summer season. Keep in mind summer is our crazy and busy aquatic season!!

So for now- I ask that you pray for us during the uncertainty and patients as we know God has a better time for us then  we do.

A letter to my Friends & Family

Before you read this post, I ask that you watch this video here. This is a movie I have seen before, but we were asked to watch it again for our MAPP Training .

This movie is an accurate depiction of the journey before us. One that we are prayerfully getting ready for and hoping that God will have his guiding hand on us with.
When they say it takes a village to raise a child they were not kidding. The more I am learning about fostering, the more I realize that we are desperately going to need your help! We will need a village to help welcome this child(ren) into not only our home but our life!

So how can you help?

1. Pray- we ask that you be praying right now for our children who are already out there waiting to come home. Home to the family who already loves them. Yet the family who is already scared     spit-less of the adventure that lie before us.

2. Consider joining us on April 10th & 11th as we learn to love these children more deeply.

Coming this April Calvary Baptist Church in Peabody will be joining with churches around the country to host the Empowered to Connect Simulcast.  This two day conference

Check out the conference here


"for adoptive and foster parents, ministry leaders, and professionals [and is] designed to help them connect with children from hard places in order to help them heal and become all that God desires for them to be.

Led by Dr. Karyn Purvis (Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development), this conference is ideal for adoptive and foster parents, those considering adoption or foster care and those who are serving and supporting others, including social workers, agency professionals, church staff and ministry leaders, counselors, therapists and others all involved in adoption and foster care ministries or services."

We would like to invite you and your church to join us for this Simulcast.  The cost of the conference is $10/singles and $15/couples (with a shared workbook).  

We will also be hosting an informal networking luncheon on that Saturday.  We are hoping this will give people an opportunity to connect with people from other churches as we seek how best to care for these children.  It will be an $8 boxed lunch from Chick-fil-A.  People are also welcome to bring their own lunches, if they would prefer.

If you would like more information, please contact me or email the church at info@cbcpeabody.org. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0NHsWl1DFo

If if you can only come for part of this conference, it still would mean a lot to us. We hope this conference will help our family and friends prepare for this joy about to enter into our lives. But also help teach us, that normal is anything but normal to these kids who have been through trauma.

Thanks for reading, and you can now put down the box of tissues .... I wont post any more videos for a while :)

I married my best friend !

When I was a young teenager , my Dad told me something that stuck with me till this day. he said, " Katy  make sure that whoever you marry is your best friend. Love and sex will only get you so far in marriage, but a when you marry your best friend , your adventures will last a life time." 

Over the years of dating, Dan quickly became one of my best friends. We throughly enjoy spending time together,but  absolutely love going on adventures with one another. I remember the moment I fell in love with Dan was during a highly hysterical ski/snowboarding adventure that to this day will still make me chuckle.

As you all know, Dan and I have been working through the Epic adventure of getting ready for this roller coaster of life known as adoption. Well something happened in our MAPP training last night that had me fall in love with Dan all over again. I think these moments are very important to write down to look back on. Marriage can be often associated to Dancing on a Minefield. You need to make note of the great times, so when you step on a bad time, you have the times God allowed for laughing to ground you. 

Ps- I also note I have permission to share this story.

Tonight during training we were diving into the actions these children do to depict their emotions. Hoarding food for control, bed wetting due to fear, and epic temper tantrums due to the inability to express their feeling. I am enjoying these trainings very much as they are giving you a ton to digest and think about.  Near the end of class the instructors had chosen about ten of us to role play an actual case in the system. I was playing a 7yr old girl with a single mother who was pregnant with number 2 but addicted to an abusive substance. Standing next to me was my foster family ,who we were analyzing how they may feel  due to the fact that I might be rewarded to go home to mom. 

A question popped up that sparked up a conversation about the foster family rights.

What was discussed was that Foster families have to respect all the wishes of the family. We are not allowed to cut the child's hair, peirce ears or do anything that might alter the visual life style of this child. If we have to bring them to the ER WE MUST talk with our case worker and we also have no rights to sign off on Anastesia or any major medical issue.

Suddenly I notice my husband, who is sitting in the way back of the room pop his hand up to ask a question!  Now if you know my husband, you can imagine how shocked I am. Dan is a silent , but an active participant.  When he is in groups, he listens very intently and processes through a lot but you will never hear a peep out of him, unless forced to introduce himself.

On the way home he will have much to say about the group  , but NEVER will openly talk in a group setting.  The question he asked was a very good question. The trainers had some good discussion about his topic after, but once If you know  what he asked and if you know Dan you will chuckle along with me:)

I try not to show any emotion, but I am bursting with excitement to hear what thought has triggered Dan to ask a question , as we are talking about such a heavy topic....

His question, with a very serious look on his face: "So while we are still in the fostering process are we allowed to enroll kids in Sports like football? Or do parents have the right to tell us no to contact sports!?"

................... It took EVERYTHING in me not to burst out laughing and say,  "oh my goodness Dan I love you so much!"

I am cracking up right now even as I write this story. 

The priorities in life....FOOTBALL!

Weekly we debrief about all these huge things we might face with a foster child in our home, and Dan is a solid rock, and not fazed at all, that this is still the right choice for us . Kids are kids, they need discipline, routine and love and we can do that. No fear at all, he just wants to be a dad.

PUT FOOTBALL RIGHTS ON THE LINE, AND YOU HAVE A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY!

Well the good news ladies and gentlemen, we have all the rights of the world to enroll our little foster kiddos in as many sports as we and they would like ! :-)

So all is right in the world with the Coffey family again. 

I might have laughed for the full 45 minute drive home from Lawrence.

I honestly can tell you , I fell in love with Him all over again last night.

God gave me a solid rock to help ground me when I am flighty and let my red hair emotions get the best of me. I push him to be the best man God has created to be. And he will always keep me laughing till the nest is empty again and we get to go back to just the two of us on hysterical adventures.

I married my best friend.

To remind myself later

We have started taking MAPP Training in Lawrence . The class is getting us ready to become foster/adoptive parents!

Yet it's scary as all Hell. And I mean it, these kids have gone through Hell and back again.

I have started  following a couple blogs and facebook pages to make sure this is always on my mind and heart. To help remember the  end goal.

 This morning while I lay wide awake at 4:00am (can't sleep at all!) I read a post from the facebook page , together we rise!

A soon to be foster family

Asked the simple question about learning how to discipline a child who has gone through so much trauma.  There were tons of posts on it, but one stood out to me that I wanted to remember her words as I reflect and look back once we start.

-----------

As a foster child for the first 12 years of my life, and a story that would make one heck of a book - she's said it well. My advice is to embrace it and keep expectations minimal when going into caring for a high risk trauma child. Be patient and understanding but don't parent in or out of fear. Please be sure to make the child feel comfortable in the aspects of being a part of your family at their own pace. If they call you ms. Kristie or mom let them build it to their liking and do your best to not introduce them as your Foster children. I vividly remembered feel out of place and second best. So much so much so they would take one picture with their "family" then a separate one with  "us" in SEVERAL foster homes. It really is the little things that make the most impact - remember that,  be equal always. 

I think you'll love it and be able to get a lot of gratification from it. Everything you will do will leave a lasting impact as they are going thru trauma of being ripped from their family and all they know and love. With that, you'll be able to make huge impressions on that child for life if they are 5+. You're going to love it, regret it, question your self, pat yourself on the back and wonder how much you can take, laugh, cry, scream why, and fall in love with each child ........ all the time. Keep your end goal in mind while remembering we are scarred, scared, untrusting, lost, and begging for someone to provide us some soft place to fall. Someone to love us and invest time in us and our ideas/thought/feelings. We need stability boundaries rules and direction MORE SO then children who haven't experienced trauma not less

Please empathize with us but don't overcompensate or feel bad for us as it does not do any justice to the cause. Don't parent out of fear or expect anything less from us,  do as you would any other child. If not This is only helping us not progress and use the crutch all the while causing a visible resentment with any biological kids.   We are broken but not damaged beyond repair. We can do chores and accept natural consequences for bad choices too. In fact we want to do precisely that! We are resilient! It will serve us better in life too! Embrace them and their family .... flaws  & all:  with positivity. Stay the course and be the only constant in their life, they will thank you as an adult too. I can't thank 7 out of 14 different foster homes enough for the impact they had on me! The others well - that's another story for a different book. I know I jumped around here but I hope it's explained well enough, bless your family and such for being willing to step up to the challenge, you truly are angels in disquise! -Tami Franz @Kristie B.

I Love Snow

We got a little bit of snow this week. I couldn't be more thrilled.

Most people know two very important things about me.

1. I am like a fish, and need to be in water often, or I dry up

2. I love snow!

I am not exactly sure when my love for snow and the winter started, but as long as I can remember snow always promised adventures and excitement. To quote one of on my Favorite TV Shows, Gilmore Girls. " We go back snow and me. We have a beautiful history"..

The possibility of a snow day is always lurking behind those clouds.
I have wonderful memories of waiting for the telephone to ring at 5:30am and knowing that meant we didn't have school! We would all then go back to sleep. Later as a family we would bundle up to our assigned chores. The 4 of us would track through the snow and shovel our respective areas. The goal would be to create the biggest pile of snow possible, so Shawn and I could build a fort in the weeks to come. It was always guaranteed that Jim's Doughnuts were on the menu  for Brunch and Snacks! Dad would get his Tim the tool man Taylor Grunt on, pop his green blazer into 4 wheel drive, and go flying through the snow banks on his quest for the best doughnuts around. Once shoveling was done, it was imperative that we quickly made it back to the cemetery across the street from us to go sledding down "killer hill", while mom cross country skied. It had to be done then, or the snow would melt the next day and we would lose the opportunity to play.

As we got older, we would have crazy sleep overs being snowed in with my best friends. Or while we were in high-school we would pray an epic snow storm would hit while we were up at snow camp, so we could stay another day , just us staff. In College snow meant dorm pranks and movie marathons. 

And even now, a major blizzard means for 24 hours, I am guaranteed to not have to think about work.

Snow became a theme in Dan and My relationship. I can personally claim responsibility for the 15 snow storms that we experienced in 2011 (PS never challenge God on anything...) The first time Dan accidentally said" I Love you," was during a monster of a snow blizzard. The moment I realized Dan was a man I could see spending my life with, was on the side of a mountain, while we were skiing and snow boarding in the snow.
Oddly enough it even snowed for just a few minutes on an April Easter, the day we got Engaged in 2012.

Well today another bout of snow promise. 

This month has been absolute insanity. I had worked the past 28 days with only one day off. Well the Blizzard on Tuesday ensured me another sanity day off. Well due to the snow, it made some crazy changes into our schedule. We got a call on Thursday night from our case worker from DCF. She wanted to schedule a in home Visit Pre- screen right away, in attempts to help qualify us to start taking training classes next Tuesday. This adoption process got real, quick.
As you can imagine my stress and anxiety was sky high. Coming home and trying to turn our house into something impressive was a big task. Thanks to my mother and Dan, we got the job done.
*big exhale*

Right on time, we got a call from our case worker. Somehow she missed our house and couldn't find us. I ran outside to meet her, so she wouldn't miss it again.
While waiting for our case worker to turn around in the sea of one way streets of Beverly I stood and prayed. This was becoming very real and a bit over whelming. I stood outside in my short sleeve black shirt standing in the snow, waiting to take the next step of an epic journey in our life.

It was then I noticed it. I looked down and found one solitary snow flake had taken home on my shirt.  I was able to see the intriguing details of its design and creation. I was able to see the beauty of its clarity and size. That is when it hit me.

My God takes such care and precision when he creates the beauty of a solitary snow flake.

How much more time and love does he take in my life. He already has this entire story worked out for His glory. The beauty in these flakes help remind me how much he Cares about not only me, but the child(ren) that He has chosen for us in this adoption case. It was just the courage and reminder I needed, right at that moment. And all this lesson through one tiny snowflake.

I hope next time you see snow, you too will be greatly encouraged about how God cares for you.

I love the snow!