Yet it's scary as all Hell. And I mean it, these kids have gone through Hell and back again.
I have started following a couple blogs and facebook pages to make sure this is always on my mind and heart. To help remember the end goal.
This morning while I lay wide awake at 4:00am (can't sleep at all!) I read a post from the facebook page , together we rise!
A soon to be foster family
Asked the simple question about learning how to discipline a child who has gone through so much trauma. There were tons of posts on it, but one stood out to me that I wanted to remember her words as I reflect and look back once we start.
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As a foster child for the first 12 years of my life, and a story that would make one heck of a book - she's said it well. My advice is to embrace it and keep expectations minimal when going into caring for a high risk trauma child. Be patient and understanding but don't parent in or out of fear. Please be sure to make the child feel comfortable in the aspects of being a part of your family at their own pace. If they call you ms. Kristie or mom let them build it to their liking and do your best to not introduce them as your Foster children. I vividly remembered feel out of place and second best. So much so much so they would take one picture with their "family" then a separate one with "us" in SEVERAL foster homes. It really is the little things that make the most impact - remember that, be equal always.
I think you'll love it and be able to get a lot of gratification from it. Everything you will do will leave a lasting impact as they are going thru trauma of being ripped from their family and all they know and love. With that, you'll be able to make huge impressions on that child for life if they are 5+. You're going to love it, regret it, question your self, pat yourself on the back and wonder how much you can take, laugh, cry, scream why, and fall in love with each child ........ all the time. Keep your end goal in mind while remembering we are scarred, scared, untrusting, lost, and begging for someone to provide us some soft place to fall. Someone to love us and invest time in us and our ideas/thought/feelings. We need stability boundaries rules and direction MORE SO then children who haven't experienced trauma not less
Please empathize with us but don't overcompensate or feel bad for us as it does not do any justice to the cause. Don't parent out of fear or expect anything less from us, do as you would any other child. If not This is only helping us not progress and use the crutch all the while causing a visible resentment with any biological kids. We are broken but not damaged beyond repair. We can do chores and accept natural consequences for bad choices too. In fact we want to do precisely that! We are resilient! It will serve us better in life too! Embrace them and their family .... flaws & all: with positivity. Stay the course and be the only constant in their life, they will thank you as an adult too. I can't thank 7 out of 14 different foster homes enough for the impact they had on me! The others well - that's another story for a different book. I know I jumped around here but I hope it's explained well enough, bless your family and such for being willing to step up to the challenge, you truly are angels in disquise! -Tami Franz @Kristie B.
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